whining

   You are all in for a treat...I am feeling really goddamn low tonight. The first half of this weekend was pretty damn amazing and the second half was the worst I've had in quite some time. So you know what I'm gonna do? The grown up thing...blog about it.
   I am feeling really alone right now. Everyone is either busy, because they have a life, or no longer speaking to me and there's a few I couldn't give a fuck if I ever see them again. I'm starting to think its time to turn off my phone, delete all social media accounts and resign to a life alone.
   I've spent the last two years since my divorce trying to fill a goddamn hole that's just to big for emotional duct tape. I tried drugs and booze and women. All of it ended hurting me more. I tried music. That failed me, or I failed it, or the other fuckers flunked me....I dunno.
   I'm just so goddamn tired of being alone. Sad thing is anyone I want to come see me wouldn't and anyone who would I don't want to see. I'm such a indecisive child. Whatever. Goodnight.

This is not a game of who the fuck am I...

   Why do people 'grow out of' music they liked as youngsters? I understand not going crazy over Brittney Spears after the age of fifteen or getting over your hip hop phase. What really grinds my gears are people who get to damn cool for their own good.
   I was told I reminded someone they liked a band this weekend. It started as a whole 'hey look how scene I used to be' situation until they started really listening. I listened too and I found a new (old) band I've become fond of now.
   Some of us wore skinny jeans and old man glasses and had wild hair before it was called hipster. I think the cool kids just finally realized what they were missing. They, of course, had to take it to an obnoxious level.
   I have been listening to angry weird music and dressing with a rediculous amount of alt-swag since you took your daddys credit card to abercrombie. So eat a dick. Punk rock will never die.
   Why are wearing that stupid bunny suit? Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?

   To whom it may concern...fuck you. I am so tired of everything going bad for me. A lot of it I do to myself but dayum...can't a ninja catch a break!?
   I work for a shitty company I'm only staying at because its secure and I like working for my brother. I don't have shit for bills and I still can't make one of my pathetic little checks last a week.
   Now to add insult to Indigestion my truck is shitting out on me. I've already dropped so much coin into the goddamn methmobile and now its on its last leg...for realz this time.
   I can't even afford to make a car payment right now so I don't even know what imma do...wish I had made better choices as a younger man. Sigh...shit happens you live and you learn....deuces my friends.

Hot, Angry and Broke as Fuck...

Hot as fuck. Angry as fuck. Broke as fuck.
   Its been a shitty day. Didn't sleep well at all last night. I kept waking thinking it had been hours when only minutes have passed. This lack of sleep business is reall starting to hinder my mood...
   Had a strange night. Hung out with a friend. I got all weird anytime anyone came close to touching me. Made me sick to my stomach. So....there's that...
   Going on fourty-eight hours single now. Not really sure how I feel about it yet. I've been in relationships constantly for the last decade. I could prolly use some time to figure out who the hell I am before I introduce myself to anyone new....and that...
   I've spend all day working my ass of for a check that's gonna go as soon as I get it. Anyone who has an opinion on that had prolly keep it to themselves. I don't wanna hear it. This is where I vent and I was here first.
   Just getting tired of working myself stupid for little to nothing. I get exercise so that's swell but I'm broke as fuck. I want to go on vacation. I want to move out...alone. I want I want I want....sigh. whatever. Bye.

Well hello there good attitude...It's been a long time

   Hello again....this is Jimmy McFilth coming at you from the dreary depths of yet another sleepless night. Tired all day, up all night. Story of my life these past few months
   Its been a rocky couple of months. Depression. Anger. Anxiety. Jelousy. A variable color wheel of obnoxious emotions have eaten away at me and left me pretty damn jaded. But am I gonna give up? You can bet you sweet ass I won't!
   My girlfriend of over a year and I called it quits yesterday. It was mutual but surely because I am really hard to get along with right now. She's a damn saint for putting up with me and STILL wanting to hang out. So thanks Ashley.
   I've spent a good amount of time with two of my favorite ladies the last few days, Ariel and Lori. Ah...the Davis sisters. They are a whirlwind of good times. Thanks ladies for keeping my ass in check. Ariels boyfriend David has been a hunky peach too. Dude is gentleman and a scholar! Nothin a couple nights of beer soaked gossip can fix.
   Leah, who is a chick dangerously close to being one of my bestest besties has gone out of her way to provide me with laughter and taco bueno. She's one of those people who simply won't allow me to be in a bad mood. Thanks Leah.
   My good buddy justin called me today to check on me and talk tattoo's. Gotta love having such good friends....and ink. This white boy needs to be covered from the chin down, ya dig.
   Lastly I ran into an old friend at a bar last night that made my evening much better. Gotta love seeing old faces! Anyway, that's all the mush I got in me for now. Here's to fresh starts and new beginnings for all! Cheers!

I digress....Digest....whatever

   So today was by far the worst day since yesterday...

   It was 112 degrees out while I was rambling all over this god forsaken earth with my brother for the health and well being of the future assholes of the earth. We're installing fire supression systems in two different schools and it is hot as flamin' hot cheeto's on those jobsites.

   To make matters worse, I got a flat tire before heading back from lunch. Had to change it in the goddamn parking lot at noon....once again, cheeto's. So all day we fought dehydration, heat exhaustion and straight up homicidal thoughts and actions. And then....the sadening....

   Not to bitch, but I'm pretty manic these days. I've diagnosed with all sorts of skurry shit I'm not cool enough to go into and I've been dealing pretty successfully for the last year and a half. Last couple of months? Not so much. I get sad/angry/lonely for no goddamn reason. Today wasn't much different.

   Anyway...I digress

   So I try to lay down and go to sleep and, alas, cannot. So I motor on over to the Ejaculate and Evacuate (kum n go) for a pepsi. Upon returning to my magnificent steed I find my battery is completely dead. So I borrow my friend Leah's keys and procede to try and jump my truck....turns out the battery cable had come loose. So....guess that could have been worse.

   Anyway....again....I digest

   Gonna try to go to sleep again without nightmares. praying to the gods of Benedryl and Dramamine that I sleep all night. So once again, signing off from the sewage scented city of Bixby, cheers!

   Sleep is for the weak....fuck all that noise. I would gladly label myself weak if I could get a few much deserved zzz's. I haavnt slept for shit in weeks. You would think it would bring about some long winded, sleep deprived hipster thoughts but noooo....all I can think about when I'm tryin to sleep is my hair, my teeth falling out, how bad I want a legit cheeseburger and sex. lots and lots of sex.

   Anyway...not much of a blog post, just random thoughts from a random bloke. Stay classy Fucklahoma. Cheers.